62. Toxic Positivity BeGone!

Wait, what?!  Positivity is toxic?

It can be.

Positivity can become toxic when it is used to mask, suppress, avoid, or cover up negative emotions. It's the belief that no matter how dire or difficult a situation is, people should maintain a positive mindset, or put a positive spin on all experiences. It's a "good vibes only" approach to life.

Toxic positivity denies people the authentic support that they need to cope with what they are facing. It paints negative emotions as a failure or weakness.

The problem is that denying certain emotions doesn’t make them go away. In fact, it just causes them to fester and clog up our system - like on a cellular level - causing pain, discomfort, illness, disease, etc. 

Persistent reminders to reflect on ‘how good we have it’ in the midst of strife and struggle don’t make sadness, fear or anxiety dissipate. They discourage, stress out, and piss us off. They make us feel like something is wrong with us because we can’t keep a positive outlook, when (it seems like) everyone else can.

The way that we’re treated gets played out in the way we treat others (for the most part). For example, when educators are being told to have patience and grace and understanding for their students, but that’s not what is being extended to them, they subconsciously perpetuate the false toxic positivity that they are being offered themselves.

Or are you slapping on a happy face, and what for? AND how’s it working for you?

Some tips  include:

• Manage your negative emotions, but don't deny them. Remember, the only dangerous emotion is a suppressed emotion.
• Your feelings provide important information that can lead to beneficial changes in your life.
• Be realistic about what you should feel. When you are facing a stressful situation, it’s normal to feel stressed, worried, or even fearful. Don’t expect too much from yourself. Focus on self-love and taking steps that can help improve your situation.
• It’s okay to feel more than one thing. If you are facing a challenge, it’s possible to feel nervous about the future and also hopeful that you will succeed. Your human emotions are complex 
• Focus on listening to others and showing support. When someone expresses a difficult emotion, don’t shut them down with toxic platitudes. Instead, let them know that what they are feeling is normal and that you are there to listen. 
• Notice how you feel. Following “positive” social media accounts can sometimes serve as a source of inspiration, but pay attention to how you feel after you view and interact with such content. If you are left with a sense of shame or guilt after seeing “uplifting” posts, maybe consider limiting your social media consumption - at least from those accounts.

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